LOCAL MAN EATS 46 MANGOS, CLAIMS HE CAN NOW HEAR TUESDAY
Doctors are calling it impossible. The Office of Mango Records is calling it "one more than we had on file."
A local man who ate forty-six mangos in a single sitting on Sunday says he can now hear Tuesday. He means the sound of it.
He asked to be identified only as "a local man," and then, after a long pause, as "a local man who is fine." He was holding a forty-seventh mango at the time. He did not eat it. He has not put it down since.
It sounds like a fridge in somebody else's apartment. Like someone humming the wrong song on purpose. It's coming. That's the thing about Tuesday. It's always coming.
How it happened
By his own account he began at 11:14 a.m. with no plan and "a normal amount" of mangos. The Void Desk has obtained the log he kept on the back of a hydro bill. It is reproduced below in full, because we were not able to stop reading it either.
| Mango 1 · 11:14 | fine |
|---|---|
| Mango 12 · 12:00 | still fine |
| Mango 19 · 12:31 | "what if mangos are listening" |
| Mango 30 · 1:02 | turning point (underlined twice) |
| Mango 41 · 1:40 | began humming. not me. |
| Mango 45 · 1:52 | stopped humming |
| Mango 46 · 1:53 | heard it |
| Mango 47 · ??:?? |
Witnesses describe the thirtieth mango as the moment the room "changed temperature but only emotionally." A neighbour reported a low tone coming through the wall at around 1:53 p.m. and assumed it was the building's boiler. The building does not have a boiler.
The Void Desk is legally required to tell you not to do this. We are also required to tell you it is only a button.
What the experts say
Doctors contacted for this story said that what the man describes is impossible, and then, when asked to listen, went very quiet and asked us to leave.
A spokesperson for the Office of Mango Records confirmed the count. "Forty-six," they said. When asked whether that number was significant, they said, "It's one more than we had," and hung up. They called back eleven seconds later to say "that was off the record," and hung up again. It was not off the record.
| A fridge in another apartment | 88 |
|---|---|
| Someone humming the wrong song on purpose | 74 |
| Dial-up internet, but sad | 51 |
| A mango thinking | 97 |
| An actual Tuesday | 12 |
As described by the man. Values are how much it sounds like that.
Spacedread was seen nearby
Spacedread was spotted outside the building at roughly mango thirty. When the Void Desk approached him for comment, he squashed down to about half his height, held it for an uncomfortable length of time, and then un-squashed. We have chosen to interpret this as "no comment." You are welcome to try.
The transmission
At 1:53 p.m., the exact minute of the forty-sixth mango, a local radio received the following on a frequency it does not broadcast on. It is printed here as found.
COUNT RECEIVED. 46. EXPECTED 45. ONE UNACCOUNTED. DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE FURNITURE. REPEAT. DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE FURNITURE.
The man is recovering at home. He says it's getting louder. As of press time, he says he can hear a little bit of Wednesday, too, "but it's shy."
The Office of Mango Records has asked anyone who has eaten a mango they cannot personally account for to please stop, and to not, under any circumstances, check under the couch.
Chapter Mango: Side QuestCollect mangos. This is a different kind of counting. Probably.Enter the WorldEvery mango in it has been counted. Somebody is still counting.